The asking just kept coming, and it has now come to the point where I had a talk with my parents over Christmas about how “they will always love me, no matter how I live my life.” I have had enough. It still really hurt, but I tried to shrug it off as best I could. However, people I had barely come into contact with began walking up to me and asking if I was gay. I rejoined the chorus and began playing piano again, while joining the hockey team at the university, and I met my amazing girlfriend in the chorus and we have been dating since August. I left for college far away from home, hoping to maybe get a fresh start. It also didn’t really help my case that my best friend came out that he was gay senior year. It came to a point junior year that I had to have a “talk” with my football coach, since he had caught wind of the rumors and wanted to make sure it was okay that I was surrounded by men all the time. Unfortunately, no matter how hard I tried, people would still assume and ask. I joined both the football and hockey teams. In high school, I tried as hard as I could to rid myself of the label people had given me. I found a great girl sophomore year and we dated up until senior year, but the asking still continued, some of which was coming from my closest friends. I realized after a while that most of the people asking me were genuinely curious, and it made me even more self-conscious. When I got to high school, the asking increased, as people noticed when I discovered fan fiction, the piano, and numerous other “non-masculine” things. I can kind of see where they got their opinions of me, but it made me enormously self-conscious. I’ve never liked violent video games or talking about sex. I love to cook, and have been singing in school choruses since 4th grade. My iPod is full of Ellie Goulding, Florence + The Machine and Norah Jones, but utterly lacking in Korn, Metallica or Aerosmith. I love to read and write, and a lot of what I read is somewhat romantic. I’ll be the first to say that I’ve never been the most “masculine” individual. Back then, the other kids thought any person who was any bit different from them was gay, and attached a bad meaning to the word. I finally garnered the courage to write to you about my particular problem, and I hope you can shed some of your wisdom on the situation.Įver since the 6th grade, people have been asking me if I’m gay. “Does your soul ever feel, you know, not so fresh?” Appearing here Wednesdays, Turning The Screw provides existential crisis counseling for the faint of heart.
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